This...This Is A Title.

My Lord, I'm an unhappy person. It's becoming clearer and clearer to me everyday. I simply can't ever find anything to make me happy. I always look in the downside of everything and I can't see a brighter side to my life. It's really depressing. It's weird though, because I guess something does make me happy. Laughter. That's truly it. Jokes keep me sane.

The question of my sanity is a hard pressed issue. From my point of view it feels like I'm nearing a nervous breakdown. My body always aches. I'm never happy. I'm always stressed. I seem to get irritated by the littlest things. Of course I can't even open up to anyone; because I have no one. So I post these incredibly useless blogs in the hope that maybe spewing my thoughts out into these pixels that I'll become less stressed. It works. It's very theraputic. This worries me.

In the past year my problems have become more evident. Before last summer I truly didn't see anything wrong with me. Well, nothing more than anyone else. Over the course of the past 12 months though...I've become so completely mentally ill that it's hard to even function anymore. I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I'm constantly stressed. The stress..ugh..the stress isn't even always warranted. Sometimes it is, but sometimes I get so worked up over the littlest things, and it is taking a toll on my health. Even now I have a sharp pain in my chest that hurts when I move.

FUCK! It's so incredibly hard to even process any thoughts. I have no job (hopefully that will change this week). I will never get accepted into a decent college because I'm a fuck up. I can't have a stable relationship with anyone because I severe any tie that feels right. I'm probably going to be out on the streets when I'm 18 due to my cock-hole of a father. I simply can't take the stress anymore. I need something to ease the tension. I'm not stupid enough to hurt myself or do drugs, but sometimes I wish I didn't care. I wish that I could simply say, "Fuck it!" and let myself be self destructive. I wish I could throw caution to the wind and just not care about myself.

The sad fucking part is, I do. For how much I hate the predicament I'm in, I love my life. As much as I hate the people in my life, I love a choice few. I simply see no point in life at all, since my bleak view of existence doesn't include a purpose. Yet, I can't seem to want to give up. I love life and hate it at the very same time. Hopefully I can bring myself back to a period where I was happy. A period where I didn't hurt everyone and destroy my relationships. A period where people genuinely liked me, and didn't simply laugh at my jokes and warrant a friendship from that.

I'm praying the day comes that I can find normalacy. I don't know if my body can take this pain anymore. My soul can only carry me so far.